Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

Health is defined as a state of physical, mental and social well-being (WHO 1946). Did you notice the SOCIAL part? Many doctors overlook this integral part of their patients needs. I have decided to tackle this issue of long-distance relationships because countless friends and family in couples are separated due to job obligations, school or other circumstances. So the question is: do long distance relationships actually work?

Who are you dating?

Joe Tracy, publisher of Online Dating Magazine believes that long distance relationships require very strong trust, commitment, guidelines and communication. "Studies show that a majority of people involved in long distance relationships eventually break up. That's why you see so many "experts" proclaiming that long distance relationships are a bad idea and don't work. Yet if you learn to master communication and set the parameters of your relationship, it can work. It's an uphill battle, but it is possible, and many people do eventually become happily married as a result of being in a long distance relationship."

Here are a bunch of tips to making your long distance relationship (LDR) work!

 Establish the relationship rules and parameters. In a study of long distance relationships, Dr. Greg Guldner found that 70% of couples in a long distance relationship who did not set rules, or deal with changes, ended up breaking up within six months. You must discuss where the two of you stand and what you expect from each other. Answer questions such as can you see other people in the interim? Are you working on trial and error for now, or is this for keeps? This means that it is vital that you and your partner set rules and parameters to guide your long distance relationship.

Sign it's fizzling: He changes the rules without a mutual agreement

Reach out to his friends. When he and his friends are out at the bars, make them want him to focus on you.  The worst would be for you to come off as “that girlfriend that lives 1,170 that keeps Steve from having any fun.” Make his friends look forward to your visits also.  It’ll make him feel luckier to have you around when his bros approve of you. You will have to put in a bit more work on your end (asking about his friends, keeping in touch with them) but you will feel a lot more comfortable when you’re not together and you’ll have a lot more fun when you visit.

Sign it's fizzling: The friends stop talking when you enter the room

Use technology While globalization can be the reason behind your separation -- since travel has become a staple in many careers, and cyberspace has become the new way to meet people -- you must take advantage of the different means of communication that can make you feel like you're next door to each other. Use e-mail several times per day, chat on the Net for hours, and talk face to face with the Internet and a webcam. This is the closest you're going to get to a "real" conversation.The Internet is particularly great as it eliminates long-distance telephone fees, and allows you to send detailed e-mail or even short e-greetings to show you're thinking about her.If you're using the phone, set up telephone dates to ensure you speak and catch up. 

Sign it's fizzling: She doesn't reply to your e-mail or phone calls, and offers no explanation. 

Phone Messenger Services like Whatsapp make communication easier

Give each other small memories: When the going gets tough, something as small as the smell of your partner can be comforting.  Wear his t-shirts to bed and keep a photo in your purse.  If you guys care about each other enough, a small reminder of you will be enough to keep him wanting more and keep working towards the two of you.

Sign it's fizzling: No gifts, no nothing.

Find the perks of LDR: More time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, not being dragged into a bunch of chick flicks, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality—something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.

Sign it's fizzling: You prefer to be apart

Show her your life If you met your girlfriend abroad and she doesn't know much about your life at home, share the details with her by e-mail or on the phone (and encourage her to do the same), and send pictures of you and your friends, family, work, and everything that makes you "you" -- it'll help her get to know more about you in the process. 
Sign it's fizzling: The details in her life include a male friend you're hearing about for the first time.

Look what I bought today, babe!

Enforce healthy lifestyles for each other: It’s hard to impact each other’s daily actions when you don’t see each other.  Set up competitions: Who can run the most miles a week? Who can eat a healthier lunch? Find a good book and read it at the same time.   It’s important to make sure that you still have a positive impact on your partner no matter how far away he is.

Sign it's fizzling: He is at having KFC during your couple diet

Make your time together worth it: If you guys trust each other enough, you will feel nothing but excitement on that plane ride to go see him.  Don’t hide your feelings and make sure that you talk everything through in a civil manner so that when you see him, you have nothing but butterflies- the good kind.

Sign it's fizzling: You fight the whole time you are together

 Express Your Feelings Learning to express your feelings to your long distance partner in email, IM, and on the phone is important for the growth and stability of your relationship. One of the ways it increases your relationship stability is by providing "reassurance" to the other person about your commitment to him/her. When you express your feelings, you are letting your partner know that you are committed to making the relationship work.

Sign it's fizzling:  You have the same conversation everyday

Write often While the Internet is on your side in a long-distance relationship, nothing beats hand-written letters. Don't become too dependent on e-mail, and make sure to send her long letters with the details of your day, or even cards expressing your feelings. An overused yet great touch: spray it with the cologne she'll recognize. 
Sign it's fizzling: You're the one doing all the writing. 

Send pictures and video. In addition to e-mail and letters, mail your faraway sweetheart pictures of special events or even a regular night out (Note: refrain from sending pictures of a friend's bachelor party). If you have a digital camera, e-mail her those pics. If she's familiar with the people and places in your life, you'll make her feel right at home.  
Sign it's fizzling: She never asks questions, and exhibits zero interest in your life. 

Don't Cheat: This may seem obvious but you would be surprised by the number of people who think cheating keeps things balanced in a long distance relationship. Seeing other people breaks your communication, trust and passion you have for one another. Spice things up with phone sexting and other interesting ways to keep it fiery.
Sign it's fizzling: He is cheating


Travel to see each other Try to travel as much as possible to see each other, and make sure the effort is two-sided. Between long weekends, vacations, stopovers in between traveling, and extra vacation days thanks to overtime, you should get to spend some quality time together. Nothing beats the one-on-one chemistry of even a few hours together, which can gauge how you really feel about each other, and serve as an actual "deposit" until you see each other next. 
Sign it's fizzling: She goes on vacation -- without you.

Maintaining a successful long-distance relationship isn't easy, but it can be rewarding, especially if she's worth the wait. At this point you probably think it'll take a lot more work than you're used to in a relationship (or maybe not...), but the following three things are absolutely necessary in order to make long-distance romance possible.  

1- Communication
2- Sacrifice

3- End in sight

While long-distance relationships seem to be higher-maintenance than you'd like, they do have their positives. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all, and if your relationship prospers without constant physical, one-on-one contact, then you may have met your match. On the other hand, remember that you do need that live contact every now and then, or else all you might be left with is a pen pal.

Extracts from AskMen.com, HelloBeautiful.com, wikihow.com, onlinedatingmagazine.com