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Part 3 of 3.

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I don't know if it's a good idea to write the third instalment of an ongoing ordeal. I was hoping that by now that I would be among the "bounced back" mommas.
Well it has been two solid weeks today. There should be some progress right?
Baby looks like a two month old and eats the share of one too  He is quiet and calm unless you are delaying with his good good. He sleeps quite well and is peaceful when awake and full.

Cracked nipples make you anxious everytime it's feeding time. And that's a lot of anxiety. Objectively speaking, no one cares. My cracked nipples were not healing with nipple cream or the ebm trick. Gynae and paed had outlandish suggestions ranging from method of detaching baby to laser treatment. Insert WhatsApp emoji. You know the one.

Review at the doctors gave answers to questions that we had. It turns out according the pathologists histopathology report that I had "an acute suppurative appendicitis with sections showing oedema, hypermedia, and an exuberant necrosuppurative inflammatory exudate". In English I had appendicitis. Only by miracle had this been seen and removed during surgery except at the time all three doctors were not sure what it was. It looked nothing like an appendix. Removing it was the best thing they could have done.

I also developed an upper respiratory tract infection. Tonsillitis. Not so bad yeah? But it turned out it was the reason I was weak and dizzy and hot. Viral meaning no antibiotics would be effective. Just shingirira.

Tummy was a constant one. Sore.

I expected too much from my doctors review. Hoping for a magical potion which would heal all these things  But there's was nothing. Just fickle words of reassurance. And being told again how interesting my case was.

I decided to blog. Publish or perish. Therapy was going to be important..everything I went through was a risk factor for post partum depression. It got me thinking about mothers in similar situations. Maybe they were fine but babies were born with problems like prematurity or congenital anomalies. What were those mommas going through? And you didn't really have to go through complications to get depressed. Some were just predisposed. And yet none of my health team enquired on my mental health. And if they did, all it got was a shame, how awful.

I am done with the writing therapy now. Working on healing day by day. Apologising to friends and family for not bouncing back to their expectations. Taking care of my baby with the help of great support structure. Setting daily goals to return to normal function. Taking care of myself by saying no to some things. Eating right. Exercising when I can. One day at a time, is all I need.

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